I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Congratulations! We have a period
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
