Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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