atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
