dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
