the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Terrible idea I love it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
