bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
