This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need water and some morals
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
