I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
