Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
