Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
