I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
