Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
