My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
