Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
