Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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