i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
