Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
