I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
