uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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