So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
