genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize