i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
