end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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