You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
