he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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