Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
