uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's always time for handjobs
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The adults are the big ones right?
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