i jhust puked up my retainher.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize