if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I need a beard to bite.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
