I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
