i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
