I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
