It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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