I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
