dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
