I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
