He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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