Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
