whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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