if you like me you must not know who I am
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this just has baby written all over it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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