I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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