So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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