nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
