I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is wine microwaveable?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
