my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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