you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What drink are we having for lunch?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The air taste purple.
Randomize
