please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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