I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
