you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
