You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
