he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
