i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
