the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
