Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
