I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize