There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
