did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
