just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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