i just wanna soil my oats bro
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
