naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
