Apparently you make a good broom.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
