i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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