theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
