i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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