Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
