Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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