I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
