I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
