im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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