i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
