Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
