do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
