can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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