dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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