I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
