dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
