I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
