So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
