i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
