just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
